Interview with Sarah Ott, Part 2
Sarah: It was as if the scales fell off my eyes and heart. I saw my view point and how it was with God on the fringes and Sarah in the center. God brought back to my mind the passage in Judges where the people begged for a king, their way. They were sick of being set apart, called out, different. They wanted a king like everyone else. I did too.
I wanted the picture, the perfect little life, the dynamic love story for His glory that would stormbust the world. I wanted it and I wanted it THEN!
God’s response to me was the same he gave in Judges, “I will give you over to this desire and I will give you leanness of soul.” It was as if He said, “Sarah, here is everything that every woman could ask for but I will be absent. Is this what you want? Or, do you want to know Me deeper and more real than ever before. Do you want Me?”
I begged for deliverance and said to the Lord that I would rather be a no one and single with You than married to this man and a queen. I had a prince but I wanted the King. I wanted His will, His way, His best. I died that day to those things—not to say that desiring marriage or any other thing is wrong but it cannot be a rival to the One with whom there is no contender! His name is Jealous and He spoke it over me that day.
The beautiful irony of our God is as redeemer of all things broken. He completes what He begins and works all things together for good. It was my love story that birthed the depth, the need of Jesus, the passion, influence, ministry and a trajectory. It was my Love Affair with Love Himself.
When He took everything away, He became everything. The adventure of knowing Him as Life, not an addition began. I craved and ate His word like food. I wept, feeling like a widow. I rejoiced in a new sense of freedom. I was delivered, released from my agendas and manipulations and all I wanted (and still do) is Christ.
To live is Christ, to die is gain but not just physical death. When He brings or allows death and pain it is with purpose, intentionality, love, grace and our best in mind. He led me to Hosea 2:14 and 1 Peter 5:10 “After you have suffered A LITTLE WHILE, the God who has called you will HIMSELF do four things: PERFECT, CONFIRM, STRENGTHEN AND ESTABLISH you.”
Another one of my favorites is James 1:1,”consider it PURE JOY when you face various trials.” None of us have escaped a trial of some sort but do we celebrate in and through it knowing that He is at work melding something into beauty out of ashes or do we resist, try to explain, stiff arm, and fear the circumstance?
He has intervened and intersected MY way so many times for which I celebrate. Sometimes through tears and many times without me understanding the whys but I know that His intersections are for His glory and my good.
I have spoken to a lot of people, singles, and a very large group of women in Alabama. I was so nervous. A ministry out of misery began there for me. Again, not what I had envisioned–I envisioned doing this with my husband but His ways are not our ways. They are higher, better and ever thorough. He has called me to speak to women all over the value of knowing Him intimately not just through activity. Not as an addition to our life but as our LIFE.
Teaching women the art of celebration is another calling and passion of my life. Celebrating His hand in every circumstance. Even though my life is FAR from perfect and never will be, I feel Him near me. Tears is a language of mine with the Lord. He responds to the desperate cries of His people. And His greatest response is not getting what we want or ask for but it is receiving Him as the reward, the answer. I have prayed to know Him like Mary—not like many but through brokenness, through blessing but mainly brokenness. He has beautifully answered that prayer.
I am still very single and surrendered to the Lord to what the “bow” to my story will be. He is the Beau! Isaiah 54:5 calls Him Husband. I love that.
Marriage, preparation, purity, guarded hearts, prayers in that realm–all these are very precious to me—very close to my heart—very expensive. I won’t waste sharing with anyone that conversation until He makes clear. It is so sacred—how God leads and prepares truth for people’s hearts and answers to their prayers.
I just began teaching one of my favorite books in Est. Her: Esther. Ah! So many nuggets and diamonds in the rough that glitter to the eyes of a teacher. I identify so much with her story and in the description of her beautification process for 12 months (chapter 1-2). I believe in my word picture brain that myrrh is one of brokenness and oil is one of blessing… myrrh was the same spice potentially used to prepare the body of Jesus for his burial which signifies that true beauty stems of brokenness and coming to death of you and life in Him as a woman (and man for that matter). Weeping lasts for a night but joy comes in the morning because oil is significant of the Spirit in the NT so I believe this is blessing. It’s about the preparation of the internal beauty of a woman, not the external.
Esther was already gorgeous which is why the King summoned her. Why did she have to go through a year of beauty prep? I think God explained this to me. “Sarah, true beauty is who you are, not what you look like. This beauty comes through the seasons of your life—the good, the bad.”
Ps 45:11-12 rings true ” The KING is enthralled with your beauty”.
I have always believed that Proverbs 31 is not a standard to live up to but a posture we live in. He does Prov. 31 in and through me. Such freedom!
